Tina: Where do I start?
I'm having tough times here in Detroit. This winter is unforgivable and unforgettable. Its relentless. It definitely doesn't give up, no matter how much I want to. Last night I had a serious freak out with God and the winter. I can't help but feel as if he killed all the things I love so much--like the trees and the birds and the flowers. I miss the sunshine. I miss walking outside without 1,000 layers. I miss bare feet on the floor. I miss having a purpose.
In a panic I went to the river in the middle of the night. I wanted to be alone, but CJ and Nyla followed me. I was hoping to find God by the river. I was hoping for a huge sign as to why I am alive and why I am in Detroit.
There was nothing to see or hear. It was silent. The river was quiet and totally frozen. Nothing moved. There was no wind. There was no magical sign from God, except when I turned around CJ and Nyla were right behind me. They are my family.
CJ said that God does not have to show himself in grand, epic, and martyrdom ways. Sometimes, God is your lover and your dog following you into the night simply because they love you. God is the coat that kept me warm and the chill out from beneath my spine. God is simplicity and God is family.
Today I cried and I wrote. I wrote down this struggle with God and tied it together with a couple of other pieces I've been writing. It is turning into a Winter Reflection piece on God. I'm excited about it and it gave me a sense of purpose today, which made me feel really grateful. I will find a way to share it via this blog once its finished.
CJ worked on a video from the past that warmed our home with the reminents of summer. Check it out :)
whitelotus - castles in the sky
We just passed Imbolc. 'Pregnancy of the ewes'. Something is alive beneath the surface that we cannot see. We just have to have faith. Like the flowers. They are beginning to unfold in the darkness underground. Don't you think winter sometimes gives us practice with faith? With the understanding that there is more than we perceive?
ReplyDeleteWinter continues to teach me about faith. Faith and endurance. I have been thinking about the image of unfolding flowers and I continue to pray for the life I cannot see with my own eyes. Its kind of like a tree falling in the woods too. I'll have to look up the "Pregnancy of the ewes". Thanks for this stunning comment Anjalee.
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