Small Moments

Tina: I have this thing with honesty. Vulnerability. For some reason I can't stop believing that being truly true to myself can only result in good things, no matter how painful or how long it takes me to get there. I struggle with my relationship to my couch and my life after work. When I am truly honest, all I feel like I do is sit, crochet, watch wedding tv, and eat. I always swore to myself that I wouldn't be one of those people who watched tv every night, but I was wrong. I've blamed Detroit, my job, my sadness, the winter  - because I am still unsure of what to make. What to do with myself. I've tried to pray over and over and all I feel like I hear is to 'settle into it.' Yet, I don't want to settle when I feel like a glutton.

CJ: Today we cleaned up major (something which is becoming a sunday tradition). Then we took care of some errands around town, and got footage on belle isle for my new music video. After that, I think Tina read a whole damn book and we just hung out at the water house.

Sundays are always refreshing and healing for me, my favorite day of the week.

Me and Nyla in front of the Detroit City skyline. (Taken from Belle Isle)

My strong and beautiful love. (She don't take no shit from nobody.)

One of the most captivating abandoned buildings we've seen here, taken from route 94 which cuts across mid-town.

Sleep All Day Saturday

Tina: Welcome to "Sleep All Day Saturday" (thanks for the new term Seej)
CJ: Oh no problem love, I aim to please. And what a "Sleep All Day Saturday" it has been, am I right? Today we planned on planning nothing. Aimed at accomplishing little. Focussed on getting distracted!
Tina:Yes, yes! We've also not stopped eating today. Fresh baked bread, chips and salsa, apple crisp, soup, easy candy...and saving the best for last...warm cookies and ice cream...ohh yeaaa
CJ: OH YEAH! (forgot about the ice cream.) We have always had a knack for experimenting with different types of adventures. Even though this has been a little adventure, it has had all the stuff adventures are supposed to have. An element of risk! (This is the only saturday we got this week, and we put it all on the line.) Twists and turns! (Nobody expected Nyla to lick my face today, she never licks.) Ups and downs! (We tried two different movies, and they both weren't good, never made it to the end of either.)
Tina: And what is an adventure without an epiphany! We both had a 'secret' planned for Sleep All Day Saturday and unbeknownst to both of us, we both were planning on renting all of the Miyazaki films and we both failed! (the only video stores in Detroit are for adults only, if you know what I'm saying...)
CJ: As we approach our second anniversary of being together, I think a little success, a little failure, and a tandem blog post at the end of it all is very appropriate. In these past two years we have been through LITERALLY EVERYTHING. (jkjk) but for real though, this relationship has opened up my mind and heart.

back in the day...

OOPS

CJ: I forgot to blog so I make a shame face while holding the beautiful candy Tina made today in preparation for our March Of March event tomorrow: Sleep All Day Saturday. Its gonna be glorious.

Circles

Tina: I've been reading lots of books lately and it feels nice. A book is like a friend. I remember when my mom used to say that. I don't think I can write as well on a screen as in a notebook. I journal every day. It feels good. I get distracted by screens. My job shit is shit. I'm really growing old in the office. It feels like expiring. I have trouble sitting up straight. Pita with plain vegetables is pretty dry. This entry is sounding kind of stupid. I'm proud for blogging anyways. I know I'm not alone in my 20Something lost-ness. There are plenty of others. When I try to look up data about our generation all that comes up is buzzfeed or blogs about "20 Things to do in your 20's" or "20 things I learned in my 20's" I suppose this is all a form of data. A form in which our generation is shouting into cyber space begging for answers. I suppose I'm doing the same.

wintersong (excerpt from a draft) : whitelotus

CJ:

all of that dark i been tryin to steer
clear though peace no provided here
we pray about a season this time of year
and i'm saying what the people aint tryna hear

so it- might appear the night reveres a lotus (hey)
i don't wanna plead phony but i gotta say what i gotta say to get inside of the door-

i live in a war
i live in a generation scattered by divorce

i'm hotter than before!
hotter than i ever been a better metaphor-
coulda been thought of but i was feelin sentimental
and i been at the bottom but now i'm fin to go and meddle like i'm scooby
or winter olympics
everything eventually becomes vintage

and this is what rich is: speaking from the mind knowing i am not a business
i am not offended by the f***in analytics
even at my worst, i am proud to struggle with it

proud to struggle; proud to f***in fail.
with all they f***in sell? wow they f***in stale, while they buggin out, i been on my trail

(and i 'ont even care, trill shit from a motherf***ah fo' rell)

and where the f**k is lotus? who the f**k last spoke to his ass?
and what is passion? what is greatness? what is rash?
and how was this winter?

             - damn homie i suggest you don't ask.

Conversations with God

Tina: An excerpt from my morning pages:

"I want to hear God. I want to know what to do next. What do I need to do here in Detroit, God? - Love yourself - Is that really it? I came to the most difficult city in America to learn how to love myself? - If thats what it takes, yes. And you will be back here again or harder places, however long it takes to learn child. - learn what? - that you are enough. that you are enough even if you watch tv every night. even if you lie or sit all day, you still are enough. - So you're saying I need to learn to love myself even when i feel like a total waste? - something like that - so how do I do it? Just accept it? That's what CJ says - you don't have to accept it. it can still be painful, but you can embrace it. settle into that couch. know that new things will be coming, but treat the couch as if it is just as hard as grad school or being super busy. does that make sense? just because it is the couch or an office doesn't make it 'easier'. it's still just as hard (if not harder) for you - ok. i think i get it. it makes sense. so i need to get cozy. really sit into it. sink into it and still love myself for all that i am - yup - do you think i can do it? - this is what you wanted. you wanted this life to be about facing your greatest challenge yet, yourself. you've become quite a monster to yourself and you are a brave, brave, brave soul for doing this. i'm proud of you - thanks. so this is not a 'rest life'? - haha no, you, rest? - I guess with the appearance of nothing to do, it sometimes feel like resting and that gets me scared - that is exactly what you wanted to face. you've had plenty of busy lives. you can get yourself thru anything my dear- thanks. thank you. i'm glad to hear you so clearly right now. i'm grateful - me as well - thanks. i suppose i don't have to say goodbye because you never really leave - true - ha. ok. well thanks. i'm going to go back to sitting and 'working on resting'. thats funny. i need to pee. thanks God. i love you. my eyes are droopy and thats ok.