On Leaving Detroit

Tina: This is so complicated! There are so many reasons why we decided to leave Detroit. Its hard to sum things up. Part of leaving was to get some needed space for reflection. Here's what I've got so far. Expect more to come.

I left Detroit because I was so unbelievably depressed for such a long period of time that I lost sense of myself. Detroit is like an open wound that I can't stop bleeding for. I hope to learn how to give without losing large chunks of myself, but for now, I can't give anymore to Detroit because there's nothing left to give. I do not know what makes me happy. I do not know what I want to do with myself. I do not know what to do with my time and my energy.

I do know that I crave vulnerability as an artist and as a soul. I'm hoping to heal over the next few weeks? months? however long it takes to get to a place again where I can stand before others and bear open myself.  

On Leaving Detroit (WaterHouse Post #100)

This picture embodies our relationship in Detroit

CJ: We have officially left Detroit. This may come as a surprise to some, as a relief to others, maybe even as a disappointment. 

This journey to Detroit has provided me with a sense of identity while transitioning out of college. Now that it's over I find myself getting back to basics. Lets be real: living in Detroit sounds cool, edgy, and artsy. These are all things I like people to think I am. The truth is that Tina and I followed our hearts into Detroit and now we're following our hearts out of Detroit.

Most Detroiters responded to us leaving by saying, "I guess you couldn't handle Detroit." Please let me be clear: it's not because it was too dangerous, its not because it was too cold, its not because there wasn't enough industry. 

I am leaving Detroit because if I stayed I would be staying out of pride. Pride is never the right reason to do anything. Like I said, I want to seem cool, edgy, and artsy. I want to live somewhere that automatically sounds progressive, even if I haven't actually DONE something of worth. That's what Detroit was for me, vindication. Detroit means I am braver than you. Detroit means I am stronger than you. Detroit means I am harder than you. But what have I DONE? What have I accomplished as an artist? 

I love Detroit. I will always remember Detroit. Detroit changed me for the better and for that, I will always be grateful. 

(See tomorrows post for reflections on our move from Tina)

TRANSITION!

CJ: We are in the midst of great change, just trying to keep our heads above water (no pun intended).

Tina: We're made it to Fuji Farms (CJ's parents house) in NJ and we are trying our best to take it easy. So much is changing and there's a lot to adjust to! We're sorry we haven't blogged for the past few days! Our internet got cut off a bit earlier than expected so we weren't able to do a final Detroit post. (it will come soon, trust me) Today is all about unpacking the uhaul truck in the storage unit (ughhh we are currently avoiding this... ...) and trying to relax, relax, relax.

CJ: Can't wait to give the full update tomorrow in our ONE-HUNDRETH WATERHOUSE POST!!!!

Hot Date at the Casino

CJ: Here we are, ready to head out to the greektown casino in downtown detroit. This has been on our bucket list for a long time and we finally got out there tonight! Note how Nyla seems ready to go somewhere... Note also all of our stuff in boxes :D

We're getting pretty close to moving now, closer every day. We have been trying to get done everything we never got the chance to- and its working!

Played the slots, got bored after losing five bucks haha. Gambling is fun and boring at the same time. People were very nice though, and one woman, in an attempt to show us how to play won 200 bucks right in front of us!

Still Packing . . .

Look at this pooped-from-packing duo!

*Note the FAN! It was hot today?!

O' Glorious Sun

Tina: I got a sunburn in Detroit? 

I didn't think that was POSSIBLE until today :) 

I've never jumped up and down for joy because of a sunburn before. 

look at my winter white skin meeting oh mr. sun 

ahhhhhhhhhh

We decided to be tourists and do the Detroit tourist thang. 

Easter 2014

Tina: -

CJ: So uh-

Tina: You interrupted me! I was just about to start.

CJ: Oh, i'm sorry!

Tina: Happy Easter!

Paper Rain

Tina: someone is a little overwhelmed with all of the packing!! 

one step at a time. one step at a time. 

(discarded paperwork from organizing our files)

(that sounds so professional hahaha)

not sure if we mentioned it before, but official move out date: 

Saturday, April 26th 

CJ: Notice my beard returning after having to keep it shaved at my poopy job for so long... Weeeeeee!

blind

CJ:

There is now abyss -

that chasm between ( back then ) and ( some day )

Some hands stretch across the abyss, reaching to pull our brothers and sisters nearer to the heavens
and farther from this earth.

this earth that birthed us, we built machines on her..

now, now there is a blankness like that which must have followed staring into the sun.

Last at ECHO

Tina: The moment I got home from work. My LAST day at work. 

It doesn't feel real yet, but I'd say this pic captures the moment pretty damn well. 

The Internet Gold Rush

CJ: There is a gold rush on the Internet. It will lead to lots of success for some and lots of struggle for others. I want to develop a business based on the Water House style that carves out a middle class from the Internet gold rush. Our goal is to meet our needs and to facilitate the creation of our art.

Creative people naturally develop valuable skills. Those skills can be leveraged over the Internet to sustain the artistic endeavors of that creative person.

The problem with the Internet is that it creates financial superstars. A few young people that achieve wild success. This is a problem because when a few people get wildly and excessively wealthy, most people don't see that money.

We just want to make a livin'. And we believe that in the midst of economic and social upheaval is the opportunity to build a new middle class.

So we'll be introducing small improvements to all aspects of our web presence and creative output and we'll be developing our ability to create and sell products or services over the Internet in hopes that one day we'll be able to sustain ourselves, our lifestyles, our art, and maybe even a few others.

My Day In Pics

Tina: This is what I woke up to this morning: 

This was the news report I heard this morning:

"We needed 1.9' of snow to beat the record.

Last night we got 3.1' of snow.

Our total is 94.8' of snow for winter 2014

We've broken all the records."

This was what I came home to! CJ's been BUSY.

Gone Goldfinching

Tina: My days go like this
a spiral-o-rama
i never did like the spinny rides
now i'm on and off them again
can't quite see straight
recalibrate -
then its back to the swirl-de-loop
read for air
write for air
do anything for air
fresh-air
count the hours.

here's my lesson for the day, screaming at me from
'the goldfinch' by donna tartt
one smart lady,
"That maybe even if we're not always so glad to be here, it's our task to immerse ourselves anyway: wade straight through it, right through the cesspool, while keeping eyes and hearts open."

Gearing up...

'night world at large

swan pic from our edinburgh piece a few yrs backkk

tina: ohh what a dayyyy
we're finally getting backkk
from a long ass driveeee
we met nice peopleeee
but there was road workkk
and we got so lostttt
and i went crazyyy
cj drove wellll
we left the blinds opennn
its time for sleep nowwww

CLICK HERE TO WATCH "AINT SEEN MY PEOPLE" A WATERHOUSE PRODUCTION

so in the course of our existence
do we dare to kiss and tell?
are we the heiresses of a shared
narrative and a tale that a-
-llows us to process?
sittin down with keilbasas,
thinkin bout the impoverished
askin how we done got shit?

nobody remembers where it began
but we all know where we done got to,
study fossils and unsatisfied
we fear how we gon die soon.

so when a tower is just eiffel
and a idol sits idol
and i lean to kiss the riffle
and my eyelids like a geyser

and my rivals are embarrassed
and beauty is embarrassing
and i fear my own disparraged accounts
my story bifurcates.

the hood supplies the faces
and my looks is dilated
and i spend my time just lookin because-
i aint tryna say shit.

Write

Tina: I haven't written in a while. Well, its not that I haven't written, its just that I haven't written on here. I journal every day. Some days I have to make myself do it when I really don't want to, but most days it's a moment of relief. A break from the computer and the world. I have this dream to one day have a book shelf of my life. All of my pages and pages together in one spot. I imagine myself as an old woman literally looking at my life on a shelf. Mmm. I shared my dream with CJ this morning who looked at me for a long while. He said he'd like to gather my story one day thru all of those pages of entries.

It's the private, quiet, morning moments where we share dreams and tea that I experience
immense
gratitude.

Living this way.

CJ:

Knowing that we're leaving changes how I approach my daily life. I know that this job will be over soon so I just do my best. I know that I won't have time with these people so I speak my truth. I know I won't see these buildings for long so make sure to take in the image while I wait at a red light.

I'm surprised to find that there are neighborhoods here that make me feel nostalgia. That's surprising considering I've only been here eight months.

There is something about moving, uprooting, that people find admirable. The innate human desire for freedom is tapped.

Moving is like a miniature version of life ending. A coming to a close. A conclusion. A departure to something else entirely. And this is how I'm living.

Ambiance

TRUST YOUR STRUGGLE. 

humility

CJ:

humility is delicate and fragile, like a flower, whose roots grow strong and deep. beneath the ground it reaches far and wide.

humility is invisible to others, humility is invisible to the self. like freedom, it flees from the onlooker. oh how elusive!

one who says they are humble is not humble. one who says they are not humble may be humble. can one truly believe that they are not humble without tapping edgewise into humility?

humility can be approached from within the state of being which strives for humility, aims for it, attains to it. humility is mastered once neither humility or arrogance plague the heart, once both are a non-issue, irrelevant, even unthinkable.

as i write i seek humility. humility favors my state of seeking, yet dances just out of view, stopping for moments at a time in the corner of my eye. the truly humble do not hold humility in their hands, rather they join with humility in dance, just out of view.

The Beast

Pray 4 The Paper!

CJ: Noticed this flyer at the liquor store for a new record coming out. Was drawn in by the detailed artwork!

Its Fridayyy

My uterus is not happy

thus I lay in bed with chocolate chips

and chamomile tea

watching Say Yes to the Dress. 

Classic.

Branches.

CJ:
Tina and I have been talking about the idea of life as a set of branches. We can make all kinds of choices and take all kinds of different paths. They all lead us to ourselves.

All our paths are out there- or, you could say, in here. They are all real.

All the possibilities!

Our own existence is so complex that if we really try to comprehend it, we realize we can't possibly comprehend someone else's as well. There is just too much crammed into our own universe to actually get what someone else's is like.

It is good to try though! Empathy is good, the attempted understanding of the other.

Alas, it is our own universe that ultimately compels us, that ultimately enraptures us, that we return to time and time again. Whether it is through thinking about other people, about god, about the universe of planets and stars, we always return to ourselves at the outer limits of our thoughts and at the inner sanctum of our soul.

24.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE MOST AVID WATER HOUSE BLOG FOLLOWER OF ALL TIME. I ADORE YOU ABSOLUTELY. 

(sorry that I didn't have a more attractive pic of us)

(remember Field Day Senior year?)

(woah throwback)

I LOVE YOU RACHEL <3

look how little we were! ahh that was 6 years ago?? WHAT?

thanks for being my friend for all these years. here's to many, many more :)

CJ:

A series of drawings I put together for the whitelotus body of work!